I cannot believe that it’s February 20th, and I’m just now writing my first post of the month!! To say I’ve been busy is an understatement, but that’s not the real reason I’ve stepped away from writing this month. I honestly just haven’t felt like sharing I guess, or maybe I don’t understand some of the things I’ve been feeling, so instead of writing it out (which is what I’m used to doing), I just kind of clammed up. I decided it was time to force myself back in front of the keyboard tonight, so here we go…
I feel like I have been given some tests this month, the Universe bringing some people from my past back around, checking to see if I’ve learnt my lessons and if I’m really ready to move into the next stage of my life. This probably sounds all kind of crazy to some of you, but I’m a firm believer that whatever guides you (God, the Universe, Mother Earth, Infinite Spirit, etc.) will bring you the same situations on repeat until you learn the lessons you’re meant to learn. Perhaps this is why I’ve basically had the same relationship three times over since I was a teenager (with different fellas of course), all with the same outcome – infidelity, unhappiness, staying in the relationship for far longer than I should have, not being able to be the one to walk away, and the list goes on. It isn’t until recently that all the pieces have kind of fallen together in this puzzle that is my past, or I guess I’m just finally seeing it clearly now, and it’s definitely got me determined to do things very differently moving forward. So, lesson learned, right?!
That’s the hope, but I still feel so much fear surrounding this…the idea of getting into a new relationship, losing myself again, letting go of my passions, letting my new business sink, forgetting who I am. These thoughts have been creeping into my mind regularly this month (thank you Valentine’s Day!), and I question the strength and self love and stability I’ve created in my world since my ex-husband left – is it strong enough to withstand…love? New love, the take-your-breath-away-can’t-take-my-hands-off-you-want-to-spend-every-minute-together kind of love that is pretty much inevitable when you start dating that new special someone. I don’t know, and I’ve realized (well honestly, maybe re-realized lol) after a month of some heavy soul-searching, that that’s okay.
Being in a relationship is the end goal for some (okay, many) people, but my end goal right now is so brightly, shiningly, unquestioningly about ME that I can barely contain my excitement! Sometimes we get steered off the path we know we’re supposed to take, or question ourselves and our limits and desires, but I know (I KNOW) that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be right now. I’ve got so much good on the horizon surrounding my new business venture (stay tuned for a launch next month, and check out the sneak peek in my pic above!!), I’m finally following my dreams and living my passions without apology, and I’m learning how to love myself in a way I never knew was possible. It is beautiful, and scary, and messy, and exciting, and so much more than I ever dreamed for myself. My heart is bursting as I write this, my friends, because this is the work in progress that is me, no apologies. Be sure to stay tuned for all the upcoming excitement for operation:passion – your support will be invaluable and I am already grateful for it! XO