Do you ever have those moments when you’re just cruising along, not really feeling like anything’s out of the ordinary and then someone says something and it’s like BAM! All of a sudden you’re mixed up, twisted around and not sure what the hell is going on in your world? Welcome to the week of November 21st through 27th for yours truly lol. It all started innocently enough…had some great wins at work on Monday, and was just living my life, working my booty off getting ready to teach some dance classes next month (that snuck up quick, huh?!) when Wednesday rolled around. That afternoon, I was chatting with a good friend (who I spend a lot of time with), and she asked if everything was okay with me – I seemed ‘off’. I reassured her that I was fine, was just having a long week, but it got me thinking – “hmmmm, am I really okay? What prompted her to ask that question?” Now follow up her innocent comment with one from my sister on Friday morning – “Are you okay Heath? You seem off…not your usual happy self.”,and a bit of a tail spin ensured! Why were some of the most important people in my life implying that I wasn’t acting like myself?!
Self-doubt can be a real mother effer. I’ve written about it before (recently actually!), and even being aware of it doesn’t stop me from facing the challenges of doubting myself regularly. I suffered from anxiety and mild OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) throughout my younger years (teens and early 20s), and I find that at times those old tendencies can come back to haunt me, especially when I’m in a place where I’m not 100% trusting of my thoughts, my actions or my judgments. When self-doubt is kicking around, I find it really hard to make decisions, and that’s where I found myself last week – doubting EVERYTHING! I AGONIZED over which new iPhone case I should buy (like was seriously asking strangers in the store for their opinions, AND my 11 month old nephew who doesn’t talk what he thought lol), and that’s when I knew things had gone a bit too far…it was time to reel myself back in (especially because I had a tattoo appointment that very afternoon!)! Nothing like needing to make a decision about something permanent being drawn onto your body when you’re doubting even the simplest of decisions, right?!
I knew I needed to bring myself back to reality, but that didn’t happen before my brain conjured up a million mean-spirited, awful questions in my head. What am I doing with my life? Why am I writing a book? Who do I think I am creating a website to help others when I’m clearly incapable of making the simplest of decisions for myself? Why are people asking if I’m okay – is something wrong with me? It’s honestly crazy how quickly I can go from being completely at peace (albeit a little stressed) to this horrible, self-deprecating place (yes, it really does get that dramatic lol) in the blink of an eye! I don’t know, maybe I’m alone in this, but it’s certainly not the first time something that should be ‘no big deal’ has me questioning my abilities and spinning a bit out of control. To look on the bright side of things though, the best part of dealing with this kind of situation many times in my life is knowing that I get to choose how quickly I recover from my limiting beliefs and thoughts.
I will tell you that my sister did ask (as she dropped me off for my appointment) if I should really be getting a tattoo in my current state of mind lol, but I knew that I just needed to flip my switch back from self-doubt to self-belief, and I’d get to a place where I could make any decision laid in front of me. I know I make it seem so easy writing it here – just decide to believe in yourself and you can do anything! Seems kind of ridiculous (and perhaps simplified), right?! I’ll tell you something – it’s really not! Our minds are powerful, powerful tools and we get to wake up and choose happiness every day. How we react to every situation put in front of us (and the crummy things our brains can sometimes tell us) is OUR CHOICE. We have so much power over our lives, our desired outcomes, our day to day living (with some guidance from the Universe of course), that we can choose to defy any limits our minds set within us. We are truly limitless, and so I’m trying to make it a habit to choose to move mountains to accomplish my dreams, believe in myself and follow my true North Star every day. Hence, my new tattoo below 😉 so in love with it, and everything it means to me (YAYYYY, good decision Heather lol!!)! ‘Til next time, keep that switch flipped my friends!! XO