Sometimes, I think about where my Mom was when she was 35 and think, what the heck happened to me lol?! She was 11 years married, had an 10 and 7 year old, and was living the life we’re all told we want when we’re growing up. And the thing is, that IS a good life for a lot of people! I have LOADS of friends who are happily married, love being parents, and love the careers they have. But I’ve worked really hard over the past two years to let go of what I think being in my mid-30s *should* look like, and to embrace what I *want* it to look like (for me).
I live on my own, I have two cats (that I “got” custody of in my divorce), I have a few jobs I’m pretty darn good at, I’ve discovered tons of passions that keep my cup overflowing, I have an incredibly supportive and loving family, I have the BEST FRIENDS EVER, I do pretty much whatever I want on any given day, I travel like a boss and I party like one too – and I’m freaking 35!!!! If someone had told me 10 years ago that this is what my life would look like today I honestly would’ve laughed at them, and then maybe slapped them and started crying lol. Because I wanted what my Mom had, what I thought I *should* have when I was here…but you know what, I know now that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be and I fucking love it.
I think that’s the biggest gift my failed marriage has given me – the hindsight to realize that I was choosing SO many things in my late 20s out of fear…fear that I’d never be married, fear that I’d never have kids, fear that I had to hold onto a partner and relationship that didn’t fulfill me or I’d never have the above, fear that I’d always be alone, fear that making bold and brave decisions would uproot my life detrimentally. Of course hindsight is 20/20 so it’s easy to say all this now, but that’s where the gratitude lies because you know what?! I made all sorts of choices out of fear, and it still didn’t work out – crazy, right?! It really just solidifies to me that what we need to be doing is making decisions from a place of hope, love and excitement. When I choose something now, I first ask myself if the idea of it sets my soul on fire, and if the answer is YES, then I do it! If the answer is no, I move on and keep searching for those soul-awakening, heart-bursting, butterflies-in-your-stomach opportunities to say yes to – cause they’re out there waiting to be found!
So as I come upon this very big birthday, I have gratitude for all that is good in my life, and all that isn’t quite as I want it to be as well. It’s truly the imperfect in our lives that teaches us just how badly we need to create our own kind of perfect, and it forces us to get outside our comfort zones and find it. Keep searching and creating my friends, and be bold and brave and unapologetic about it! To paraphrase the incredible Joseph Campbell, the treasure you seek is out there waiting for you to find it, but you just have to fight through the fear first <3 XO